The other week I was in a coffee shop researching my latest Compassion Fatigue article and I saw a group of women come in. This group of women was diverse in culture, age and so on. From the moment I saw them I just felt they were social workers. They sat together at a table and waiting for everyone to show up before going to place their orders. I could tell this group was very comfortable with each other and connected. They spoke animatedly and laughed often – yes, they had to be social workers.
As I continued my research I overheard some of their conversation. This is when I knew for sure. At one point I heard bits and pieces about attending to a home visitation and the need to call animal services. This is where I forced myself to tune out. Now just to be clear, I did not hear any names or identifying information – nothing to make me question ethics/confidentiality – just very common story telling as a way to unload.
In the Compassion Fatigue workshops I provide I review a strategy that was taught to me by Francoise Mathieu called The Anti-Sliming Strategy – otherwise known as Low Impact Debriefing. Francoise shares that needing to debrief from the very difficult stories that we hear is very common and normal. She then reviews two types of debriefing, formal and informal, that help us with this. Formal debriefing in regularly scheduled supervision is helpful, yet not always scheduled exactly when needed. This is when helpers look to colleagues for an informal debrief.
When a supervisor is set for debriefing and disclosure they are prepared to hear difficult stories and therefore better equipped to process this in a healthy way. When we pop into a co-workers office and dump a tragic story with specific details we are essentially sliming them trauma/grief/tragedy and so on.
One way to help manage Compassion Fatigue and Vicarious Trauma is to practice Low Impact Debriefing. Low Impact Debriefing is also known as the Anti-Sliming Strategy.
The four key steps to Low Impact Disclosure are:
1 – Increased Self Awareness. Take a survey of a typical work week and think about the different times that you have formally or informally debriefed and the manner that this was done. Think about how much detail you provide or hear from others. What is most helpful to you when dealing with difficult stories. If this is something you do, don’t feel bad about it now because you likely didn’t have any concept of doing it. Your intent wasn’t to harm anyone. But now that it is something you are aware you can change your process.
2- Fair Warning – It’s important to let someone know before you begin to tell them a difficult story. This is the key difference between formal and informal debrief. A formal one is scheduled and the supervisor or consultant is prepared to hear this information. An informal debrief is often sprung on co-workers with very little warning. Someone can be sitting in their office writing up their monthly stats, listening to the radio and suddenly a co-worker comes in and begins to share graphic and disturbing details of a very traumatic story they just heard. It is very important to let someone know that you plan on telling them some details that are difficult to hear. There is data that shows that if a person is ready to receive traumatic information then it will go to a different part of the brain.
3 – Consent – After warning that you would like to share something that may be difficult to hear you need to ask permission. For example…. At the university I work in there are 3 counsellors and on occasion after working with a client who is struggling with a recent or past trauma I may want to consult with another co-worker. I will approach my co-worker and say – hey, I just had a session and was wondering if I could have a short debrief with you. Some of what we discussed today was pretty heavy, are you up for this now?
It is up to listeners to check with themselves. If they have had a pretty heavy day and maybe also have a lot of personal stuff going on then maybe they just aren’t ready to take on more. They may say sorry, not today. Or they may say yes, you can start to tell me, but if it gets to a point that I don’t want to continue I will let you know. For some people certain topics are okay and other’s that aren’t. For myself I have a really hard time hearing about any form of animal abuse and will limit my exposure to stories that include animals, especially if I am already feeling some fatigue (note – this is when I forced myself to tune out of the conversation at the coffee shop). I know another woman who works with sexual offenders and she can listen to their stories, while others may not want to hear details that she would like to provide in debriefing. Regardless, it’s up to the listener to provide consent and person who wants to debrief to respect their wishes.
4 – Low Impact Disclosure – Once you have received permission from your co-worker it’s time to proceed with low impact disclosure. By this I mean, how much do you need to tell your co-worker for debriefing to be helpful to you. Do you have to share ALL the details you hear? Can you start with some generalizations and then if necessary, and asked for by the listener, can you give some more detail? The listener is then in control of how much information they hear.
Practice this method and see if you can still feel properly debriefed without sharing all the gory details. You may find at times you need to share them all and this is an important part of staying healthy as helpers. Other times you may not feel you need to share it all.
This strategy also applies for what is shared with family and friends, particularly for new helping professionals who may be struggling with their new exposure to trauma/grief/tragedy. Begin to pay attention of what types of stories you are sharing and how that just might be affecting the people in your life who are not trained as helping professionals….. we can never take back our words or the images people think of as we are sharing. Protect yourself, and the people around you, as you do this difficult work! Don’t feel bad if this is something you have done without knowing it – I know I did my fair share before realizing how I was impacting others. Now you know, now you can decide.
When I think of the women in the coffee shop I know that they were doing what they needed to do to be okay with their work – I just wonder if they were aware of how they were contributing to each other’s compassion fatigue and vicarious trauma continuums by doing it this way.
Let me know what you think of this strategy! Of if you try it, let me know how it goes! How else might we limit the impact our work has on the people around us? Please comment below….