“I don’t run. I don’t run. I might run. I’m a runner.” Before I finish this story, let me tell you another story.
In 2008 I had a panic disorder that stemmed from a fear of flying. My entire life I was too scared to fly so I avoided it. I missed many opportunities because of this phobia.
My entire life I had the blanket statement, “I don’t fly. I’m not a flier” when people discussed travel. It’s not that I didn’t want to get on a plane for trips and other opportunities – it’s that I was terrified, so I just said, “I don’t fly”.
photo credit
In 2009, I finally had enough of my fear and attended a fear of flying workshop called My Sky which consists of a weekend (Friday night, Saturday and Sunday) with psychologists, pilots and a commercial flight with North West Airlines.
I was TERRIFIED. I drove from Winnipeg, Manitoba to Minneapolis (8 hours) the day of the workshop. I almost turned around three different times.
During the workshop we practiced many relaxation strategies and cognitive behavioral strategies. We discussed all the reasons we wanted to fly and what it would mean to be someone who flies.
On Saturday we discussed the labels and stories we told ourselves about flying. My story was obviously “I don’t fly, I’m not a flier”.
We were asked to play with those stories and labels to see if we were open to changing them.
Could it be, could I be someone who could say, “I fly. I am a person who flies. I am a flier”?
Saturday night I left knowing that on Sunday it would be time to put my skills into action – I would actually be getting into a massive piece of metal and shooting up into the air.
To be completely honest, at that point, I didn’t really believe I would get on the plane.
Something happened Saturday night. I started to think about my identity as a flier/non-flier. I said out loud, “I fly. I am a person who flies. I am a flier”. It felt weird. I said it some more.
Of course I had anxiety on my shoulder telling me all the reasons that I should not get on the plane (it’s not safe, the plane will crash, I’ll die, I’ll be trapped, I’ll have a panic attack on the plane and on and on). I politely told anxiety to f-off and repeated my new identity out loud.
“I. Am. A. Flier.”
The next day I got on the plane, used every relaxation and CBT skill I had and successfully flew from Minneapolis to Milwaukee and back. Not only that – I LIKED IT!!! I took 32 flights in 2009.
Now let’s get back to today. For the past few months I have been playing with running (mostly interval running, mostly on the treadmill).
I have always wanted to be a runner, but I have always told myself “I don’t run. I’m not a runner”.
I have recently joined a running group (from couch to 5 k) because I know the power of the group when it comes to making big change. I have my first 5K planned for June 13th.
To be honest, up until yesterday I didn’t think I’d actually follow through.
Yesterday afternoon, I went for my outdoor run (in week 1 we walk more than run, but it’s good to be following a plan). Then I came home and followed all the stretches that “runners” do.
After that it was time to find some dinner. I started to think about ordering a pizza. Then all of a sudden I thought, “What would a runner eat?”. I giggled at the thought. Then I decided to own it. It feels weird, but I’ll stick with it.
And voila, my first step in changing my identity from “I’m not a runner” to “I’m a runner” happened. It was a powerful shift inside and for the first time ever, I actually believe I will run a 5K.
“I. Am. A. Runner.”
I am a runner who had salmon, brown rice and steamed veggies for dinner:)
I tell you these stories because I want you to see how our self-talk and the labels we give ourselves can be extremely powerful.
If you are struggling with a bad habit, addiction, phobia, or if you are feeling unworthy, unloveable or undeserving, play with the stories you tell yourself and the labels you give yourself.
You are a non-smoker. You don’t smoke weed. You are a public speaker. You do deserve self-care. You do deserve love.
Time for me to get going… I have an Intro to ChiRunning workshop this afternoon. Because… I. Am. A. Runner.
If you want to read more about anxiety and panic disorder – here’s my story.
If you have a fear of flying – I HIGHLY RECOMMEND The My Sky Program. The therapists are some of the best I have ever met. The pilots are great. They are so caring and do this work because they truly want to help people. You even get to sit in a plane the day before the flight and practice your skills! The price is amazing and includes the cost of your flight.
Now I’d like to know – what label do you want to change? What will you change it to? Leave a comment below.
Cheers,
Charlene
oxox