Last week I was on my commute home and I drove into a massive pile of congestion two minutes away from my home. Not unusual because there is a long-term construction project taking place, but yesterday was extra backed up.
If this was 2008, I would have gotten very angry for the entire time I was stuck there and would have remained so for a couple of hours afterwards. I may have honked my horn and said some rather un-ladylike things.
Quite likely my body would have been tense and I would have been clutching the wheel. My heart rate would have soared and my breath would have been short and shallow – all of this without my awareness. It would not have been pretty.
In the past five years I have spent a decent amount of energy trying to get, and stay, emotionally healthy while still dealing with the chaos and stress that comes with being a young entrepreneur in today’s society (ya know – changing cities, negotiating contracts, beginning and ending relationships).
As a newly graduated therapist in 2008 I received my degree, with a side of chronic stress and poor health. I had just read Dr. Gabor Mate’s book When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress, and I knew it was imperative that I start to manage my emotions better.
I decided to focus on increasing my Emotional Intelligence Quotient (EQ) – which means learning how to recognize and process my emotions in a healthy way.
I spent the next few years focusing on EQ development both personally and professionally as a therapist. I love helping clients learn the skills to manage stress, anxiety and anger in a healthy and proactive way.
There are many mindfulness based emotional intelligence skills that can be learned to increase EQ in a rather short period of time.
While I was working on my Emotional Intelligence I was also slowly building my own Meditation Practice. I took the eight-week Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction program in Graduate school and I knew it would be something I did for the rest of my life. I do regular formal practices to increase my ability to be mindful throughout the day.
I noticed that the better I got at bringing mindfulness into my daily life, the better I was able to recognize my own stress/anxiety/anger as soon as it started. And because I had been developing my emotional intelligence skills, I knew what I needed to do immediately upon recognize these unpleasant emotions to prevent them from intensifying and harming my body.
I can honestly say that I haven’t been “angry” in over two years now. Yes, I get annoyed and sometimes even irritable, but by developing a strong mindfulness practice, in conjunction with some solid emotional intelligence skills, I can now regulate negative emotions as soon as they begin.
Life is life and crappy things will always come up. Now I know that I can approach any situation that comes up in a clear and rational manner, so that I can work towards the best possible outcome.
Bringing us back to 2013 and my potential road rage experience. Here is what I do differently now. As soon as I notice I was in for a lengthy wait I noticed annoyance in my body (tension in chest and stomach) and in my thoughts (“Ugh, it’s going to take FOREVER to get home, what kind of city planners do we have?!”).
I used my skills to recognize this and chose to engage in some mindfulness. I focused on my breath; I felt my hand on the steering wheel. I focused on the colors of the trees and then back to focusing on my breath. I ensured I kept calm, deep breaths so that my nervous system would stay calm.
My body did not need the rush of hormones running through it that a burst of anger would have given it! It took me about 20 minutes to get home and once I did I was calm, relaxed and could enjoy my evening.
This is the essence of combining Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence. The powerhouse combination of Mindfulness and Emotional Intelligence skills can change the way you approach each and every situation you encounter.
As a therapist, my approach to helping people through unpleasant emotions and experiences, is to help them develop the ability to recognize and process by developing mindfulness and emotional intelligence skills. If you’d like more information about my counseling services click here.
A colleague of mine, who also teaches Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction, created a short video (36 seconds) that I love. The essence of the video is that the world will always be chaotic and swirling around you, but you can develop the skills to bring yourself inner peace and calm at any time. Watch It Here.
Do you have a regular meditation practice? If so, what is it? If not, are you interested in learning more about it? Let me know in the comments.
Cheers,
Charlene
oxox