Here’s the thing about us humans, we have evolved to the point where we have feelings and then we have feelings about our feelings. Here is the secret for stress management when anxiety is involved…
Let’s take a look at my old friend “worry”. Once upon a time I was a student at Wilfrid Laurier University. When I was 27 I moved from a tiny town in northern Manitoba back to my birthplace Kitchener, Ontario in order to get my graduate degree in Social Work.
In August of 2007 I packed up my 2003 Cavalier and drove the 2,762 kilometers (I shit you not) to begin this exciting part of my life. At that point I was terrified of flying and hadn’t been on a place since I was two. The plan was to fly back home for Christmas break.
In mid-October I was sitting in my “Use of Self” class (yes, this is what we study to be therapists) and I looked out the 3rd story window. I am not a fan of heights. At. All.
As I looked out the window I could see down and thought to myself “might as well get used to heights, I’m going to be in the friggen air in a couple of months”. Okay, focus – back to the lecture.
About five minutes later I noticed the following; my heart rate was beating like crazy, I started to feel nauseous and dizzy, the colors in the room were becoming very vivid and I felt as though I was going to fall. I was struggling to breathe.
So being a therapist I thought, “WTWhat, am I have a panic attack? Is this what a panic attack feels like?” So I tried to stay calm because I knew we were having our break in about five minutes.
Also, I imagined that if stood up and tried to leave the cramped room that I would fall down.
The year before another classmate had a panic attack and it was quite the drama – paramedics and everything – that was not going to be me. Those of us with anxiety have very vivid imaginations about the worst possible case scenario.
So class break comes and I go to my prof and ask to speak with her separately in another classroom. The moment the door shuts I tell her I think I’m having a panic attack…… and then full on hyperventilation, crying, the whole works. She sits with me and talks with me and helps me focus on my breathing for a few minutes.
I can breathe again. The crying has stopped. She lets me spend some time in there before returning to class but asks that I check in with my doctor just to make sure there isn’t anything wrong with my heart (since it damn near beat out of my chest).
Let me tell you that after a panic attack you feel as though you have been through an emotional marathon – they are EXHAUSTING!
That night I reflected back and remembered the thought about the upcoming flight and it all starts to make sense. I was already worried about flying and clearly it morphed into a panic attack.
That night I decide I will either not go home or I will travel on ground (yes, anxiety is great for moving us into avoidance!).
The next morning I am getting ready to go to my internship as a counsellor (haha for people struggling with anxiety/stress/depression – irony?).
As I’m getting ready I start to think “what if I have another panic attack today? What if it happens while I am driving?” I leave the house and after two minutes I have to pull over to breathe. I calm down. I start to drive again. Then I hear sirens and see an ambulance behind me. I’m stuck on the bridge and can’t get off.
Yep – you guess it, panic attack starts again. I manage to keep myself calm and decide to drive to the hospital because it is about 5 minutes away. Even in the middle of an anxiety attack I still go and pay for parking – so responsible:). I get to emerg and hand over my health card.
For the second time in 24 hours I say, “I think I’m having a panic attack” and then comes the hyperventilation and crying. I spend some time in the waiting room and call in to my placement to let them know I’m in emerge and won’t be in today.
This is so funny as I write it. Not so funny at the time.
After an hour (during which time I see two other young women come in having panic attacks – wild!) I see a doctor. They test my heart and all is well. They give me “ativan” and send me on my way. Not a fan of pills – didn’t take them.
Because I am the luckiest girl on earth, I was as therapist in training with a team of amazing therapists who directed me to some very helpful resources.
I realized that what initially started as worry about flying, quickly morphed into worry about worry. That’s how us humans work. We can be angry about feeling anger. We can be sad about feeling sad. And we can develop full on anxiety about worry.
Don’t “worry” about me… in the end I worked with a great therapist and ended up being a very comfortable flyer (flying 32 times the year I first tried it).
It took a lot of work but between cognitive behavioral therapy and meditation I was able to recover from my “panic disorder with specific phobia” and jet set around the world (well sorta).
It is so much easier to deal with the original concern in the moment than it is to deal with the “secondary emotions” that come up after. This is where meditation (click here for meditation training) and cognitive behavioral therapy (click here for CBT support) can help.
If you notice that you are struggling with an emotion – pause and ask yourself what the emotion is about. If it’s an emotion about an emotion, you can step back from the situation and ask yourself if it’s worth the emotional energy to keep that feeling going. If you have ongoing stress and struggle with anxiety then learning how to recognize and reduce your anxiety can plan an important part in your stress management plan.
If you struggle with how to manage your emotions in a health way, I urge you to find a great therapist and learn how. Letting go of worry can change your life.
If you want to know about my counseling services for anxiety click here.
Get a free stress assessment here!
So now I ask do you have a tendency to worry? Leave me a comment and tell me how you handle it
Cheers,
Charlene
oxox
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