“Wow, I haven’t been sick since last February, it’s been over a year!”. Was what I said two days before getting sick.
It was the beginning of March, which anyone in health care will tell you, is virus season.
February and March hit health care providers hard. Earlier this month I was a bit smug in my awareness that I had passed February without getting sick, while colleagues were dropping left and right (well not literally, but you get the point).
Then Friday night I got kicked in the face with the virus. It didn’t take long to make itself comfortable and wipe me out.
As someone who prides herself on being a self-care fanatic, I did what any self-care fanatic would do. I set up the humidifier, rinsed my sinuses, gargled with hot salt water and drank hot honey lemon water. I cancelled my very exciting plans for all day Saturday and curled up on the couch with House of Cards (what did we do before netflix?).
But I continued to swallow nails. Off to the doctor I went.
My doctor gave me four days off work the following week. This is when the earliest symptoms of Self-Care Guilt began to kick in.
I can’t miss four days. I’ve got patients booked. There’s a conference next week. I want to know what happens at our staff meeting (I may be a bit of a nerd).
But mostly, I’ve got patients booked.
Patients who may be coming to see me for the first time, or patients who may have a follow up with me and are waiting for the next steps in their treatment plan.
This is one of the most difficult things about being in health care. I, as do most professionals, get much fulfillment in helping others, also feel tremendous guilt when we feel we let them down.
I see it all the time, in all of the colleagues I’ve ever had. We don’t like to reschedule patients. We feel guilty when it’s time to take care of ourselves.
Sometimes I think back to my career before I was a health care professional. I was in administration and wouldn’t think twice about calling in sick if I was ill. Work could wait until I got back. That’s pretty much the only thing I miss about that job.
As health care providers, we are at the highest risk for illness. Over the years I have learned to tame the inner critic who says, “suck it up, go to work”.
I’ve tried to replace those thoughts with ones of compassion. Showing compassion for myself in the same way that I show compassion for my patients each day.
I’m lucky that I work in an organization with management that supports our health and don’t make us feel guilty when we need sick time. They encourage us to stay home and get well.
One of the most helpful reframes that I gave myself for taking time to heal, relates to the standards of self-care. I wrote a three part series on the standards of self-care for Social Work Helper. I encourage you to read it if you’re unfamiliar with the concept.
In the end, I took three days off and continued with extreme self-care for the following week. I am slowly getting back into my regular routine and can feel my regular energy returning.
My patients were, of course, understanding and it wasn’t long before I was back to business as usual.
What about you? Do you experience self-care guilt? Let me know in the comments below.
Much gratitude,
Char